How to Save the World Ramble

Oh okay, here we are... forever from the last update but it's true IT'S

DECEMBER 1998!!!!

I have solved the world's problems.

Let's see, what has been going on for the 9 months I haven't updated the website?? Only about a million things. We are losing a battle with our government over the people's right to the democratic process. How many of you are tired of Peckergate? Wasn't there a president who was part of Iran/Contra? What ever happened to him..oh yeah, he forgot. A tally was done, in one day, congress received over 10,000 calls saying, ENOUGH already. I'm with them.

What else, what else? Oh, remember that job thing I had.... a day job? Well apparently I didn't fit into the software corporate mold....my penis and my three piece suit didn't fit well enough. Ah well. The rule here, folks, if you are honest, you WILL get screwed over. So, my advice? Carry a condom in your back pocket so it's easier to grab when they are bending you over. The short story is, I went to a vice president because I had consistently had communication problems with a manager, and within five weeks I was fired. Coincidence? No one else at the company thought so either. It was also conveniently 7 days before Christmas bonus's, and no, I haven't found anything new yet. Merry kwaanzaa, ramadan, hanakah, and christmas, cha cha cha. But, FOR YOU, my sweets, I've added a new page, so if you find yourself in a similar dilemma, you can help yourself too.

So what other problems have I solved besides how to find a job, and how to get over peckergate? Well, in Los Angeles, and in other major cities, there have been an amazing number of folks starting slow speed chases throughout the land. Slow speed chases are the ones that block freeways, side streets, and grocery store parking lots. You just want to maim the television news folks for switching off your favorite show so you can see Pancho Generic Smith zoom around in his roadster, and run stop lights. Don't they realize that we can see that any day at any time we drive? (Remember the driving lesson scene in Starman?) THE ANSWER??? 18 Wheelers.

Cop cars chasing cars..goes on forever. "We can't put strips down", "We can't shoot". Okay then use the most annoying vehicle on the road besides SUV's, and block streets with 18 Wheelers. Unless the idiot is driving an MG, it will do the job. It always works in the movies.

OKAY, another problem solved. The year 2k millenium bug up our asses. OKAY..we get it. The world isn't ready for the catastrophe. Phones will die, electricity will stop, or Pacman games will be no more.... Simple answer? Set your clocks on your computer back to 1990. THEN you get ten more years to worry about it, and by then, all your computers will be replaced. What's the problem here, genius computer gurus? OH, Windows 98 won't understand? That's a loss?

FINALLY, Suicide by Cop. It's been on the cover of Time, People, Highlights...just about everything except Gatepost magazine. Easy -- REAL easy answer here. Give cops tranquilizer guns instead of bullets. If a guy is out cold, he gets to go to trial and jail. No more of this easy out stuff.

That's my way to solve the world's problems for this month. Can you tell I have had some time on my hands? Maybe I need a day job.

© 1998 Cathe Jones