YES, this is Vegas!

August 2002

Guess what? I live in Las Vegas now! Go figure. Don't really drink that much.. don't smoke at all... and yet somehow here I be. I guess it's the nickels. That or that Ben Affleck guy who keeps appearing down the street from here. Meow.

Vegas is here to remind us that no matter how far we think we are down the evolutionary chain, yup, there is someone at least one if not two links below us. No matter how selfish we think we are, the guy who runs the place is the worst. It's hot outside.... all the time....even at 1am. And despite the fact there will be a nuclear dump site within eyeshot of the Stratosphere, electricity costs more than adoption.

The politics of Las Vegas are straight out of Hollywood. Our beloved, (crooked?), Mayor hates the homeless, but doesn't do anything to prevent shelters from closing. He loves being a celebrity, to the point that he believes, mistakingly, that he is in more motion pictures than San Francisco's Willy Brown. He also has pitched to have his face placed on a bottle of Vodka, because a sober fellow would do just this. The local zoo has no city support, but Siegried n Roy..those straight guys who rule the strip... have no problem getting support for their multibazillion dollar enterprises. Go figure.

The city that boasts as many retirees as all of Florida can't manage decent health care for people..and docs are bailing by the dozens daily. I moved here for health reasons within a half mile of a hospital and within weeks, I found that I was unable to get insurance despite the fact I've never been turned down once in my life. The doctors solution? Move to California! That should clear it all up there, thanks doc.

The Las Vegas strip is less than five miles from north to south. That isn't all of the city. In fact, it's a fairly good sized chunk of desert, and it's suprisingly BEAUTIFUL. At night, you can see the stars, despite the neon. There are mountains to the west that look like the profiles of sleeping miners. There are mountains to the east that look like pyramids.

North of the city is the Paiute reservation. There are pow-wows there. They have dance competitions at the pow-wows. It's a million degrees, and you don't want to miss a single second of the event because of all of the hundreds of native american events I've attended...this has one of the nicest people.

The heat lasts from May until September. After September, invest in Ski gear. The place gets freaking cold. The skies are beautiful, the winds are deranged, and there is a scent of lavendar sage everywhere that isn't a casino. (Everywhere that there IS a casino, the scent is of something smoked.)

The coolest part of Las Vegas is the dog parks. Seriously. If you want to see celebrities, get a puppy from the shelter, and head to the dog parks. Vera Goulet and her little fuzzy... Sue from Survivor.. (I wish I knew her last name, I just think she's cool), all the dancers both from dressy and undressy shows, comics, like yours truly, singers... Vegas is a very pet happy place. There is even a Las Vegas Dog magazine here that has a pretty wide readership. Our little shelterpup goes to Doggy Day-care with pets of the rich and famous. It's definitely a dogs' life here.

So this is Vegas. You tense up, you walk in to a casino, and suddenly you're on vacation. One minute you can be writing email to Wayne Newton, two days later, you're opening for him. One day you can visit the Porn Convention, the next, The Mormon's Up With People event. This is the one town that never gets dull... and maybe that's why I need a break!

anyhoos... pass the word like a cootie