©2000-2007 Cathe Jones

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Lessons in The Human Animal PART 1:

In this world there are two of several types of people that I have problems with: the "suck ups", and the "manipulative lying snakes". Now the two of them seem to get along quite well with each other with good reason. But, they often times give the impression that they enjoy you as well. Therein lies the danger....or was that dagger..... either way, watch your back.

A Suck Up, as described in the Cabco Art in Motion dictionary of life, is the kind of person who will "run to daddy". That means that any time someone else has made a mistake, the Suck Up will seize the opportunity to make themselves look better to a person or persons in a more influential position.... (....like reclining in the big chair in the corner office....).. by waving the mistake into the face of the corner officer. Mostly, these people have entirely too much time on their hands to accomplish anything on their own, and use the errors of others to their advantage.

This is the little brother who watched his older brother brush only his top teeth. This is the waiter who doesn't see enough parsley on a dinner dish. This is the receptionist who finds a typo on a memo. In any of these cases, instead of bringing the "error" to the attention of the person who made it, the Suck Up would rather seek shallow praises by pointing it out to someone else.

A Suck Up also has the habit of agreeing incessently with the corner officer. (He of course is unable to have his own opinion.) A Suck Up will go five miles out of his way to polish someone's boots with his favorite shirt. (Then, at any given moment, will talk about the endless and tireless hours worked without compensation.) We all know a Suck Up. They have an insecurity complex, and need constant praise feeding just to exist.

A Manipulative Lying Snake is a very close friend of the Suck Up. In the forest primevil we call society, the MLS hides all motives behind smiles and soft spoken voice. Some of the more famous MLS folks are politicians, media mavens, and of course, agents. This person, according to the Cabco Dictionary, is the kind of person who will offer you a place to stay when your house burns down, and then tell other people that you're nothing but a freeloader. Sometimes this person will dress as Santa Claus, get television attention for going to the orphanages, and then smack his kids around for asking for presents on the holiday. His self esteem is so low that he has to invent his own universe that revolves around him, and yet has no problems creating black holes for the real world.

Apparently, comprehension problems pervail for the MLS. He will tell you "A B C", and then swear that you should have remembered "V" like he told you to. You can tell a MLS to do "A B C", but unless you've got a witness, ABC was completely his idea, if done at all. The phrase, "Gee, I don't remember that" and the comment "Well, if you told me before..", are part of the MLS language. The MLS requires a Suck Up to stand by him. With the Suck Up, the MLS can enjoy self serving agenda setting, back stabbing, and word twisting. ("Yeah, boss, like you says...."-- famous gangster suck up lines.)

The most dangerous aspect of the MLS is that he is hard to detect until damage has been done. Most often he uses the Suck Up to perform the damage. He is the model for 90% of all soap opera villains. He is the wolf, and the suck up is the sheep's clothing.

A few of you have written asking if I have ever met such people. You were kind enough to read the commentaries and asked if I could tell you about my view of the social order. One woman asked if I would explain why some people are such "insert bad favorite word here." If it's all the same to you, I want to hold off all discussion regarding the people in my own life until the prozac kicks in. It seems better that way. But until then, I will be more than happy to introduce you to the Human Animal of the 1990's. This month was focused on the notso-cool..... next month....the cool.

THANKS for checking in..pass the word like a cootie.