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©2000-2007 Cathe Jones
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DECEMBER 1997 Commentary Time...
We call this month's Episode:
Whaddya mean you love me for my body???
There was this guy once..wait..no it was, two guys.... twice. Hold on...it was the Niners and it was on television, but that's another story. SO I got a little extra attention the last few months. This despite the fact that I'm still working off the 57 pounds I gained during my marriage. This despite the fact that I have had NO time to hang out with anyone. This despite the fact I have been interested in nobody. Is that the big secret? That must be it.
I spent the Thanksgiving holiday surrounded by ten of the most beautiful men I have ever seen. Nothing. I felt nothing. No lust, no drool, no babble, no flirting, just a neuter body in a neuter mindset. This week I have three dates with three different guys. Two of them and I have had a lust thing in the past....on separate occasions. Both seem to be interested in "something special". I'm more interested in figuring out how much I can cram into a suitcase before the final trip to Southern Cal.
If it were five years ago, I'd be thumping myself in the head....doing a tex avery.."a MAaaaAAAAn" line. Maybe it's the post marriage thing and I've become completely jaded. Maybe it's the fact that my batteries work better than my boyfriends. Maybe it's the idea that I'm more than the sum of my love affairs. Or, maybe I'm just tired of introducing myself and my life to people. THAT'S IT!!!!
See, I like doing that on stage. On stage, I can babble about the days I spend, the events that make up my existence, the screw ups I've made. And no one wants to do anything but laugh about it. That's good. On a date, you get analyzed, observed, questioned.....it's like spending Thanksgiving with your family I suppose. (This I haven't done in nearly 12 years.) You have to explain why you don't want kids, why you don't want to date, why you are a vegetarian every once in a while, but not all the time. I spend enough time questioning myself, why have someone else ask things I really don't feel like dealing with?
It's not that I'm a private person. I value my friends' privacy, and honor that. My entire life becomes a "welcome to the world of CatheB" stage show. I love that people really relate to the goofiness that is part of who I am. Keeps me down to earth. Or under it, on occassion. But, there are tons of things I have no insecurities about until I hear a guy ask things like, "so, how long do you think that haircolor will be in fashion?". Or, " Heavier thighs aren't such a bad thing, on you." These are the comments that come out of innocence. They are the not so logical things men say that they think sound like compliments. That is what I'm a little tired of. And yes, I ended with a preposition.
So, when I'm ready and looking, I'm sure I'll be dateless again, wondering what magic I was using this time in my life. I'm not turning down free dinners right now, but is it okay if I wear a walkman?
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